Grumpy Frumpy and Mean. . .

LOL, that is how I feel right now. I've been in my bathrobe and fuzzy bunnies since I woke up this afternoon (don't ask). I've been working on images since 3:00 pm then with an occaisional break to munch and do some dishes. Whahhha whahhha whahhh whiney slimey poopey head!

I did too many images today to even remember them - and that bothers me. It is as I said in an earlier post, I'm not about cranking out images for the sank of quantity, but I've got "projects" due. That's how it is. I don't like feeling like images are just temporary incidents to be sniffed at and left to be forgotten as we head for the next quick fix of imeadiate gratification (stab at sardonic observation of contemporary consumeristic society).

Anywho... amongst the minions cranked out today I did play a bit and did this one in a style inspired Robert Frank and Atonie d'Agata (notice the grain and contrasty crappiness hint hint).

Anywho... just pasted up my teeth with some o' that nasty crest tooth whitner stuff and headed to bed... grumpy grumpy piss and moan grump grrrrrrrr argh!

MY HUBBY IS GOING TO R.I.T.!

Wooooohooooo my hubby was accepted to Rochester Institute of Technology today!!! I'm soooo proud of him. He's been waiting to hear back from them after sending his portfolio in a month ago. He was all nervous and doubtful... silly boy! Everything he does is amazing (dat's why he's my hubby)!!! Click his image to visit his blog!

I'm almost finished with a photo project for M.O.C.H.A and I am really happy with a lot of the shots of some of the kids that were there. They were incredibly photogenic! The experience peaked an interest in portriature. There is something in capturing a person's essence. I just wonder how much of what we think that essence is, really isn't us reading into the images our own projections. Unfortunately I can't provide examples of some of the shots due to the confidential nature of the organization.


Another topic. . . Falling in love with an image. What a strange occurance which leaves me feeling empty an sad. I've fallen in love with this image that I'm hoping to include in my final project. I guess it's the issue of images being a dime a dozen these days. We are an oversaturated society of image consumers and thus, images can sometimes feel so disposable. I suppose I treat a lot of my images as if they are people. I find it hard to be dismissive about them. Yes, photography is a ceaseless activity of shooting and processing and of course one will accrue countless numbers of images. I suppose that is what saddens me sometimes. I don't want any of my little "people" to become lost amongst the crowd.

Sunshine!

Hehehe, the sun is out today yeah!!!

I've been busy this week doing some volunteer work for M.O.C.H.A.
a local non profit H.I.V. educational organization that helps focus on the needs of the Latino and African American community. I've been helping them out with some in house photographic work for their use. I like doing that. So far I've been spending time post processing images at home, color correcting, cropping etc. I suppose by the end of the week I'll have quite a bit to give them. Even though I'm only there for this week because I'm on spring break, I would like to be able to do this for them whenever I can fit it in. Thank god for summer break. I've definately decided that I'm taking the summer off (not that there is any classes available for me to take anywho. . .).

I've got my monthly flu/cold. Part of my ever teetering state of burning out due to my grueling work out routines. I really need to force myself to take every sixth week off for my own good. Bartending doesn't help much either when your always kissing people with colds LOL - not to mention handling glasses and bottles. Thank the Gods for Sudafed and Theraflu!

I've created a galler link to my gallery using a cool free program called JALBUM and uploaded it to Photoblogs.org and linked it from my blog and back. Seems to make it easier for me to publish images all at once rather than piecemeal like.

Gotta run, not much time and I have to head back down to M.O.C.H.A in an hour.

Ciao!

Antonie d'Agata

I came across this photographer a few days ago and felt compelled to mention him. His work. . . raw, unadultered, and hard. There is a body of his work at Magnumphotos but you need to be a member to view them, so I've included one here for your enjoyment. There is some of his work here although not much Agencevu.com

I personally am rarely awed or inspired by nudes or the human form in photgraphy, however I was dumbstruck by some of d'Agata's work. His images reflect the unglorified reality of human existance. No airbrush, soft lens, perfect abs and scrawny beauties here. Just survival and the undeniably animalistic nature of humans in it's rawness. In many cases I was amazed how he could make the human form appear lifeless and cadaver like - even in the many highly graphic sexual images of men and women having intercourse.

Aside from the incredible technical rawness of his images (heavy grain, high contrast, blurr etc.,) his work portrays "us" as we are. Not the sanitized unhuman objects we hold ourselves up to be. I like that - I have no heros and no illusions of life and tend to be existential. I will be doing more investigating into the why of d'Agata's work as time moves along.

Out Out Damn Spot!

LOL, I spent three hours yesterday scanning neg's tedious as that was. . . now I'm spending hours spoting the scans. You might think you got all the dust off a negative before you scan it, but oh nooooo - they are there in all their minions! I used a Nikon Coolscan and it's truly a great machine. It does have ICE but unfortunately it is completely uneffective with black and white neg's. . . go figure. So I'm taking a break right now to blog a bit about nothing... back to spotting.

Gallery

Click An Image To See It Larger

Exhausted. . .

This is my long day of the week. Been up since 7:30 for school and gettin ready for work at the Pub. I should be gettin home hopefully no later than 3 am. I ain't got much energy to write anything elaborate... Must ... get... coffee. . ...

Messing Around with Matt Black on the Epson 2400

My brief introduction into the world of matt paper via fiber based left me very very non-plussed. I did a test to see just how black the Ilford matt would go and discovered that it was not pleasing to me. However, I've just begun experimenting with the Epson K3 inks and epson matt paper and found out that what they've been claiming seems to be true. The dmax or black is visually darker. I don't even need a special dmax meter or whatever to verify this... I can see it! I did some contact printing today on a few prints on the matt and at first I wasn't all that tickled about it. It was because of the the non reflective nature of matt and not the inks. I've been so used to the richness of glossy that matt has me visually confused. It's as if I'm looking for something in the images and can't find it and I know it's there. So I hung the contact sheet up, away from all the glossy prints I've tacked up to let it stand on it's own. I came back a few hours later with a fresh pair of eyes and I have to say that ! I do like them. The black is black, the white is white. Of course there is little reflective light coming from the paper itself but I'm beginning to see the medium for what it is and appreciating it. I haven't decided in what manner I'll print the final prints in a few weeks, but it's too soon to think about it anyway.

I am very very pleased with this printer. The next deal of course is figuring out a way around the expensive 13ml ink carts that constantly need to be replaced. At about $12 or more a pop, that's alot of mulah!!! I'm checking into refillable carts and using ink drained from the 2400 hundreds bigger sisters ink cartridges that hold 110 or 220 ml respectively. I know Epson doesn't make it's money off of the printers. It makes it off the inks, papers and other stuff. but come on - we do need a bulk ink alternative for the 2400.

Work Posting

I thought I might try posting a sample of some stuff I'm working on at the moment. Firstly to see if it works and secondly to give you an idea of what I've been talking off. . .

Notes on above.

Memories in the dark, not always what they seem or what they were, the essence of who I was or thought I may have been. Not in this life perhaps, genetic memory? Those olden days, those golden days. . . Mobsters, fedoras, cigars and tatered clothes... Newspaper boys on the corner.. I remember Atget's prostitute in a doorway. . . THAT LIGHT! Something is going on inside... in a back room.. smoke filled, dice and moonshine.. . A description, a story, a memory that never specifically was...a collection of many possibles having taken place. . .over and over and over... scenes from movies glorified, isolate, crisp and dark. . .


For each lit object there must be a shadow. . . For each shadow there must be a light. The balance, the balance the balance. . . where is that to be found? Nighttime is heavy in shadow.. it isn't for me to change that or make it fit into something more pretty. Accentuate the negative and forget the positive. . . . No wandering people, aimless or meaningless... just because they're a human presence. . . for a vieweres speculation or input. . . They weren't there for any other reason then they just happened by. . . they weren't or are not part of the memory, the story... the ongoing story.


It's the light. . . it's always the light. But it's the shadow... it's always the shadow. I need them both.

In that light there is such cleanliness... pinesol... Gain laundry detergent... bleach... clothes hanging on the line. . . wind... newness for me. I'm just a boy. . . I remember a little. A fruit stand next to the car wash, just a few block from Aunt Roe's house... I dont' know those politics of family squabble, I just go where I'm led. Amy and Terry's house, Aunt Roe always lived above Nonnie's and nonnie smelled of garlic and gave me things to eat. Soup, chicken soup and coffee with cheerios in it. It's all in that light and it makes me want to heave, sob I miss it and got different.. . .very different.

I'm mixed with what I never experienced and what I have in this image. Stories and movie stills of what was and wasnt' true about where I come from and family. What was and wasn't true about family. What is the difference?

I miss what never was.

Photo photo photo

Officially passed the half semester mark and heading into the final half. This has been an adjustment on many levels considereing I haven't been in school since 1991. So far so good. As for my photographic work, we've been handed free reins the rest of semester. I'm returning back to the digital world for my final project with Kirby's blessings (my proff). I'm glad and happy he has a accepting and validating stance on digital. There seems to be so much childish posturing and debate amongst the "traditionalists' and digiheads these days. It's a useless and unproductive argument. They're different mediums and two different ways to approaching a result, with a lot of space for hyrbriding if one chooses. I think traditionalists feel threatened in some way... the defensiveness hurts my ears LOL. Hell, if we reacted the same way to every technological change that came along, we would still be using daguerreatype or grinding botanical pigments and still painting on cave wa! lls. As for my final project this semester, it seems I will be focusing (no pun intended) on the relationships of light and shadow and line. I need to investigate it more. Kirby seems it is something I have a strong handle on and should investigate further, especially in cases where the light source is not seen yet it's result is a major element of the image composition and mood. So I'm returning to digital as of this week. I'll probably continue to shoot in filma nd scan negatives (love it) and work them in PS. Oh by the way. . .I splurged and bought the Epson 2400 and I am very much happy with it. Inks can be expsnesive, but then so is film and it seems to be evening out in many respects when it comes to cost analysis. Taking into consideration the convenience of having and electronic darkroom in my own home as opposed to renting space continually, it actuallay seems much cheaper over the long run.

Quikie Entry

It's a complete change from the past few weeks, with the snow finally falling. It's very pretty and I like to sit here and watch it from my desk. The Pub was unusually busy last night. I hadn't seen it like that since maybe the holidays. It was a strange crowd though. Full moon makes things a bit batty and like riding a rollercoaster with the ever changing sea of emotional crap that people can aim at you. Especially if they been drinking or stars know what else. I took some shots today. There was a very calm gray light coming through the bathroom window hitting the mirrow on the medicine cabinet. The mirror is beveled and I discovered that a tight zoom on that bevel really alters what one normally sees in this world. I will have to experiment more with that. I gotsta work at the Muthers tonight. I'm a bit tired, so I'm hoping to wake up by then LOL. My mood is a pensive one at the moment. That will definately have to change before I go in and dance around in my skivies LOL!

Coffee Coffee Coffee

It turned out to be a pretty good night last night. I just got up an half hour ago, coffee not in my system totally yet. . . It's unusally warm out for this time of year. It's 51 degrees :) and the sun is shining right through my window as I type this. I'm in a bit of a strange mood. A little melencholia I guess. Shawn's been working late shifts yesterday and today so I haven't seen him much at all. I miss him when that happens. My mind is filled with strange and non-connected thoughts so I'll make this short cuz it won't make sense to go on LOL. I NEED TO WAKE UP!

Mary Tyler Moore

I got home from work about an hour ago. I worked the Avenue Pub tonight. It was a pretty good night considering January. I had a lot of fun. Unusual amounts of beer got spilled all over me tonight. Never had that happen before in the 7 years I've been doing this LOL. Last week everyone else was spilling beer on themeselves, tonight they spilled it on me :) I'm watching the first season of Mary Tyler Moore on DVD right now. I never watched it when it was on tv, but I kinda like it now. It seems so much more gentler than some of the stuff on tv these days. I downed my dish of penee and pork sauce and will be heading off to bed shortly. Tomorrow is my day off! Yippee! But I'll spend most of the afternon at the gym. I'm just babbeling now, blah blah ROFLOL

OOoooooh It's Late.

It's a real late night. I've rearranged my office to make it more suitable for use when I go back to school in two weeks. Nervous, excited, tired LOL.  I've got my ol' smooth 70's music playing on my ITunes.  I like my office now... It feels nice and comfortable.  I haven't worked on an image yet cuz I spent most of my time downloading Widgets for my 'puter. I'm good at wasting time. . .


Hasn't been much snow here in Rochester since a week before Christmas.  Kinda blows,  but I know we will see more than our share in a few weeks.  I just hope we have as great as a summer as we did last year.

I've had to give up my Thursday nights at the Bachelor Forum until May. One of my photo classes is on that night. Ooooh it sucks.  It's been a good night for me. I'm hoping that I can awaken Wednesdays to something comperable.  I really would like to make it Classic Rock night.  I did it impromtu last week and it seemed as if everyone rather liked it better. 


Oh well... soo  tired.  Gotta sleeep now...

I Dumped Myspace

Oh well, I dumped my MySpace account. I found out the other day that it was owned by Rupert Murduch. I wont' go into much on that, 'cept he's a media mogul and greedy beyond beliefe. I was always annoyed that everytime I went to the site I was bombarded by cookie requests for ad tracking and stuff. Now I know why. The site poses as a community building effort when in reality it's nothing more than an ad tracking dust bin. No more for me.


Anywho. I start school in three weeks. I have 36 credits left for my BA in Studio Art/Photography, then I'm on to my Masters. I'll be dropping my Thursdays at the Bachelor Forum as a result. I have a class that night. But it's only for the semester.

Workin' At Muthers Starting Saturday :)

So much, so much LOL. . .

Well first off, I gotta note a little bitty thing that was so nice that happened while I was working at The Avenue Pub this Monday. Three young guys came in and of course I had to proof them. I hate doing that, but I have no choice. They stayed for a few cocktails and seemed to enjoy themselves for a bit. But the nicest thing was when one of them (Johnny was his name), thanked me for my hospitality just before they left. A lot of people thank me from time to time, but it was just so nice to hear it in that way. I almost was speechless, it made me all glowy inside :)


Anywho... It's official, I'll be working at Muthers starting this Saturday nite. Three bars at once is going to be a hoot. I'll see how well I can handle this six night a week thing. I've bartended for six years and have never done more than four nights a week, or two bars at once. The bar it'self is simple beyond beliefe. The cash register is something new to me altogether. It's one of those touch screen thingys. I hate them... but I'll have to adjust :)

I'm going to be doing "OZ" nights at the Forum starting Wednesday, March 23. I've never seen the show myself, but I've had a lot of people express interests in it. I'll run 3 episodes a night from 9:00 PM and run $2.25 well cocktail specials as well. I'm hoping we can rent a digital projecter and show the dvds off a large screen, but even if we can't we have the four tv's which will work.

Then there's St. Patricks day. I couldn't all the things I wanted to do, but I got some things. $1.00 green jello shots, $2.25 well, domestics, Labatts and Molsons. I can do the green beer thing too if I want and I just might. No draft so I'll have to be pouring it from bottles into pint glasses.

Gotta run...

Tony

Snowy Snowy

I just got back from the gym. . .I'm a bit woozy :) I got some chicken and some potatoes frying with a little oregano and black pepper and I'm starving.

Last night was a real good night, there was about 12 to 15 people in the bar at any givin time. I managed to stay in my clothes until rougly 10:00 PM LOL. Then it was done to my boxers and doing boxer shots. It's an interesting thing - running about in nothing but your boxers and a pair of boots. It really means nothing to me, It's all for the sake of fun. I love giving people a good time if I can. Even though I can be up on the bar having someone with their head between my legs grasping for the shot glass thats on the bar, it's probably the least sexual thing for me. I think it's a hoot. Sometimes I feel like Mae West or Madonna. Nope I'm not comparing myself to them (there is no comparison LOL). It's just that my attitudes about sex are pretty laid back. I know what my boundaries are. I've never nor do I ever plan on "exposing" myself. But I've learned that many people apporach sexuality with some taboos still in thier heads - even us homo's :) Go figure.

Anyway, the point of this is that, it is never to offend. I've learned early in the game, that despite what you do or how hard you try - your going to offend someone. So, I no longer assume responsibility for anothers level of comfort when it comes to bawdy behaviour or sense of humor. Common' I was raised in an Italian family - we joked about everything and I mean EVERYTHING!

I guess I mention this, cuz a few guys came in a couple nights ago and got "offended" cuz I was doing the boxer shot thing. LOL, it's hilarious. Oh well... there's always the Public Library or Church, but I think they'll have a hard time ordering a martini in those places. . .

But last night was a lot of fun. Some new people, some regulars and I did what I could to make 'em laugh. I think I succeeded, they laughed alot.

Anywho... gotta go. I can smell my chicken burning :)

Tony

Long Time No Postings. . .

I have to apologize for the long lapses and inconsistencies in my entries. No excuses, just lazy and the last thing on my mind. . .

It's been about five months now, my partner and I having moved here. I'm beginning to see more and more things as I become more familiar with the place, mostly very favorable. I've met so many nice people, especially working in the Pub and the Forum. The two are very different and many myths exist about them both (now isn't the time to go into that). I would say that 9 out of 10 people I meet are genuinely friendly. That is a very high ratio of people and it lightens my heart. But there is something that bothers me terribly. There is some very strong negativity amongst people, particularly about the city itself. I can understand it, but it grates on my nerves. At first I shrugged it off, but lately I've been afraid that it might be contagious. Misery does love company, and thats no lie. But one thing I hate, is comiserating. I've always felt if ya didn't like something, then do what you can to improve it or move on. Complaining is useless. I've grown irritated at the self-loathing - it's aggrevating. I guess it's cuz I'm not from here and I see things here that some take for granted. I've seen worse places and I've seen better. The worse places are worse because the people and culture is, well. . . kinda self loathing, complaining, blah blah blah. The productive places well, the people "do" things. . . And if I hear one more fella say "I'm Bored" on Gay.com I'm gonna scream! If your bored, your boring. Find something to do - ain't no one else gotta entertain ya. Sheeesh already - stop with the whining!

Anywho.... I've done my venting. I had a quiet nite at the bar... did some virus checking on the 'puter there, polished the beer coolers and then had a late night group of people that I know come in and really made my nite. They're lots of fun - Lonnie, Kathy and the guys. I like people who like to have fun. If ya ever read this guys, hear me! THANKS!

Gotta head to bed. My sis is coming out here early in the a.m. so I'm a needing some serious sleep... zzzzzzz

Tony

Catching Some Down Time :(

The past few nights at the Forum have been real kewl, gettin' busier. I can't tell if it's because of the holiday's or because maybe I'm beginning to get to know more and more people who can tolerate my insanity LOL!

Anywho, I was supposed to work at the Pub tonight, but I came down with a nasty case of the flu. I'm stuck like a pig right now. I worked last night, and it was nuts all nite long - I pulled it off with mega doses of Dristan, Sudafed, and Nyquil but I could feel myself gettin' worse as the night wore on. Anywho... I had a lot of fun just the same. Despite the almost nightly running about in nothing but boxers and boots! A bunch of guys got a couple rounds of christmas songs in late in the night - one fella fell from his stool before I got him into a cab home. . . and some rowdy "young' uns" came in late. They were already a bit trashed from somewhere else. . . 'nuff said.


Anywho... I gotta get back to bed, cuz I'm not feeling all that great ;) Catch ya next time!

Where There's Snow. . .

Well now I'm working' five nites a week between both bars. I'm having
fun but I gotta admit, it's the first time I've worked so many nites in
a week - I'm becoming a "creature of the night" LOL!

This Thursday night thing has developed into a thing of it's own.
Thursdays at the Forum were my first nights there until about a week
ago. So naturally I tried to make the most of it I could. Stripping
down to my boxers and doing boxer shots on the bar. . . It's a lotta
fun and people seem to have a good time with it. I like it when
everyone is having fun. I've realized over the years that there is only
so much I can do to help someone have a good time and then it's up to
them. I've also realized that there are times that no matter what I do
or say, there are going to be the occasional "nasties" that can't or
won't have a good time, or just be miserable. Maybe years ago, I would
think it was me - but not anymore. There are just some people that are
looking for "pissiness" and won't stop until they get. Oh well. Sad for
them! I'll just have to use my "Nasty-be-gone" spray!


Shawn and I just spent Tuesday shopping for xmas decorations and
things. So we been decking out the place in glitter and bling bling
LOL. We had a lot of fun - he's my babe! I love the boy :) Something
about the way he smiles can light up a whole room and after six years it
still melts my heart :)

We still have to find a tree yet. So we're heading out probably next
Tuesday for that. It will be the first time since we first met that
we'll have a real one. We thought about actually cutting one down, but
we changed our minds. I'd rather spend the day fighting with it to
stand up straight and then throw stuff all over it. I'm trying to get
my sister to come out here for the day for coffee and stuff. But her
schedule is nuts - so I'm not expecting to see her until xmas eve. Nuts
to that!


Anywho... I'm STILL WAITING FOR SNOW!!!! I know, I know! I hear it
every time I say that. I'll get more snow then I'll know what to do
with and regret my words! Yeah, but I want it now!!!!! (see me stamping
my foot and pounding my keyboard).

Hey, ya can't make snow angels in the front yard, if ya ain't got no
snow!!!!!!!


Until next time!

Tony